Enlightened

God knows exactly what we need to be humbled and made to depend on Him. This year is turning out to be one of the most challenging years that I have had in my lifetime. I am learning to depend on God for everything, and learning to become content in the places he allows me to dwell. Lately, that place has been a place of extreme transition. I graduated law school in May, took the Bar in July, and have been searching for employment actively for a while now. Technically the search began September 2009. However, as I am still unemployed, I had began to become very discouraged, at a place where I felt abandoned, as if God had left me. I've applied to hundreds of jobs to no avail. I was seriously stressing out over it, mostly because at this point in my life, I felt I should be independent, not having to depend completely on my family for anything. I felt that since I worked so hard, I sowed my seed, and that I should see the benefits of it right away, but as we can all see God had other plans. My current state...waiting. I can either be anxious, stressed, and worrisome, which will show how much im not trusting in God and live miserably while I wait, or I can give all of it to Christ, be content with where He has placed me, and seek Him. There are many things that I thought I would have by now, or just knew I would have really. And the disappointment came from my expectations and plans being completely erased. However, God has written a better plan for me, I just have to be patient and wait for it to unfold. So this is where my place is, being content and finally allowing myself to just be happy and free. Cutting out the negativity for a more positive outlook and trust that it will all work together for me because at the end of the day I am His.

Philippians 4:6-
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

Does what you feel on the inside match your actions on the outside?

We all have heard the phrase that mere words are not enough. That actions speak louder than words. Though actions speak louder than words, words are just as important. It is the actions that accompany the words that count (in my mind at least). Just like in the bible where it explains that "faith without works is dead", this applies equally in life. Promises, proclamations, and declarations without actions are pointless. A man's word is his bond (at least it should be).

Many times when we say we are going to do things, what is our motivation behind it? Are we doing it because we want to? Are we doing it for ourselves? Are we doing it to make someone else happy? Are we doing it for the approval of others?

I'm saying all this to say, a lot of broken promises and empty words can be avoided if we just said and did what we felt on the inside. What we knew to be genuine and true to ourselves. Yes, it is ok to sacrifice and do things for others that we normally wouldn't do, especially if it's something positive. The problem is when the help goes to far, when you cannot allow the word "no" to exit your lips. The problem comes in when we say things, just to make someone else happy, knowing that in our hearts we dont mean it, or dont know the fullness of how we mean it yet. Dont act a certain way for the approval of others, at the end of the day you will only end up feeling inauthentic. I suggest you, to just be you, even if the real "you", isnt quite so great. If you dont like who you are, then work to change it, but dont be a chameleon (be one way today and another way tomorrow just to blend in with what/who you're around).

Just be genuine to yourself first, then you will find that you can be genuine to everyone else. You will find that with this comes so much peace and you will attract genuineness from others.

The Delilah in You: Lust Much?

I had an interesting conversation this past weekend with my family about Delilah, Eve, and the fall of man. Seems like everything I read about on the internet, or hear about from my peers are things about people getting divorces, infidelity, promiscuous men and women, lust is simply running rabid even in the church.

Matthew 5:28 (King James Version)

28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

It's very discouraging to see the state of this world. I remember when I was younger, having the hopes of marriage and children, thinking of it as a place of security, safety, commitment and covenant. Now I still think that marriage should be all of those things, but I am very aware that only someone who has a true relationship with God, and is committed to Him first, will be able to be committed to me wholeheartedly.

The hardest part of it all is knowing that we have the answer to this problem but no one is bothering to take it. We the "christians" enable it by not saying nothing, and doing the very things we tell others not to do. Sorry for the rant, but we do have the answer:

James 1:14-15 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

We are tempted because our lusts draw us away. If you are having problems in an area in your life involving temptation, check and think on what you're lusting after. It can be a material possession, it can be a person, it can be money. There you will find the root of your problem.

How to fix it?
Didnt feel like summarizing but the end of this blog pretty much sums it up scripturally. http://www.christianadvice.net/temptation_and_lust.htm

If you dont want to click on the link, I have copied and pasted the important pieces from that blog below. I know it's hard out here for us all, but dont despair, dont get weary in your well-doing, God will reward you.

Lust is part of the world, I John 2:16-17, NIV.
"For everything in the world, the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does--comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."

Lusting itself is often used as an excuse for further sin. Matthew 5:28, TLB. "But I say: Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

The lustful man will pay the consequences, Proverbs 6:25-29, NIV.
"Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished."

God's grace enables us to say no to lust, Titus 2:11-12, NIV.
"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.

God will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability to resist. I Corinthians 10:13, NIV. "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

Those who do not yield to temptation will be rewarded. James 1:12, TLB. "Happy is the man who doesn't give in and do wrong when he is tempted, for afterwards he will get as his reward the crown of life that God has promised those who love Him."

When a Christian is faced with a temptation, he should run the other direction. II Timothy 2:22, TLB. "Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts that young men often have, but stay close to anything that makes you want to do right. Have faith and love, and enjoy the companionship of those who love the Lord and have pure hearts."

Prayer strengthens Christians against temptation. Mark 14:38, NIV. "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Meet temptation with God's Word. Matthew 4:1,3,4, NIV. "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. The tempter came to Him and said, If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread: Jesus answered, "It is written: Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."

Not Entitled

“People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they have a right to ours. The inference is false, a gift confers no rights.”F. Nietzsche

A lot of times in friendships and relationships, just because we've given someone our complete confidence, we do indeed expect the same in return. Unfortunately, many times, we are not afforded that same level of confidence. People have been through and seen many different things which shape their understanding of how things work and how things can turn out. Though I've seen much, and know that there is much evil in this world, i do have the confidence in my GOD to say that when the time is right, the confidence I have in someone will not be faulted or disappointed but reciprocated. When trust is a two way street, and when the will to live right is always present, we can find that place of comfort and security where two can live openly and freely without the thoughts that can sometimes cloud our minds. Those past memories and experience become just that, the past, and new memories can take over and be our standard.

Vulnerable

Dear God

Why must our hearts open
When we could keep it closed
From the loss and hoping
That only hurt knows

Why must we love freely
To folks who dont love back
Count as lost aint easy
When the heart seems to lack

Dear God

Why cant we stay locked up
Much away from the pain
This world sometimes erupts
And emptiness proclaims

Wish you could numb this heart
Of all human error
But while we are a part
Please make this thing fairer

Help me to understand
That there's nothing in man
That is able to stand
Between me and Your hand

To be continued through life...

People will be People

Fortunately or unfortunately, im one of those people that try to see the best in a person even if they do me wrong over and over again. However, after a while, just with anyone, I do have a threshold and I tend to get fed up with people and their vices. No I am not perfect, neither am I God. I am not spotless or sinless. I do acknowledge that I have had the bad habit of placing far too much of my trust in people. Those people could be my family or those people could be my close friends.

I hold on so tightly that when it's time to Let Go and Let God, I have a serious problem with it. Sometimes people can be unhealthy for you, and down in your heart you know it, but you still deal with them and let them stay in your life for one reason or another instead of just letting things be, letting God do His thing, and let things work out as they may.

I am learning painfully OVER and OVER again, that people...are just people. They will hurt you, they will disappoint you, they will always misunderstand you. The only one that should ever have your complete trust, is God. And definitely trust His guidance.

I used to have the belief that when you were in a relationship or married that you should trust your spouse completely, but part of me is starting to feel that absolutely NO ONE is worth that type of trust. Dont put anything pass anyone because NO ONE is perfect, that way when the Glitter starts to fade, and you see their true colors, you aren't quite so surprised, Why? Because they are just people and people will be people.

Justice was FINALLY Served: Greg Taylor IS INNOCENT!

Pictured Above is Chris Mumma (Defense Attorney for Greg Taylor) and freshly innocent Greg Taylor.

To watch the verdict click here, and to skip the legalese and get to the decision skip to 4:20 of the video -------> http://www.wral.com/news/local/video/7064143/

For the news article click here -----> http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/7063377/

For about the past week and a half the North Carolina Innocence Commission has been holding a hearing at my school in the Business Courtroom. This hearing would decide the fate of Greg Taylor, a man who was convicted of the murder of JaQuetta Thomas in 1993. It would decide whether he would go free without shackles to begin the rest of his life as a free man, or to continue serving his life sentence. He spent 17 years in jail and has claimed innocence from the very beginning. In order for him to go free he had to prove by the facts by "clear and convincing" evidence that he was innocent. This standard means the defense would have to prove that it was highly probable that he did not commit the crime. If I were to put it in percentages, let's say that they would have to show at a point higher than 51% but less than 99%, so somewhere in the 70% range. (just something to give the non-legal world to understand the term "clear and convincing evidence)


(This is a Picture of Greg Taylor right before entering the press conference)


(This is a picture of Greg Taylor, his family, and some supporters during the press conference in the lobby at Campbell Law)

I was able to witness the closing arguments and the reading of the verdict today at school. When sitting in the room listening to the prosecution, I could just feel the emotion, the tension, and the frustration in the room of the family members and supporters of Mr.Taylor. There were constant outbursts(understandably so)in the room when the Prosecution would say something, in my opinion, that just made no logical sense at all.

Before I tell you my opinion on it, I would first like to say that before today, I was not privy to the information about the evidence given during the hearing last week because I had been in class and unable to attend the viewing of the presentation of evidence.

During closing arguments, we first heard from the Prosecution (the State). I was quickly able to see that their strategy was to try and discredit the testimony of the witnesses for the defense and to show contradictions in evidence. No, I am not yet an attorney, or an expert at any of this, BUT I was quickly able to see that the Prosecution did NOT have much of a case. The closing argument was not easy to follow because it was a lot of "he said, then she said" going on. He stumbled over his words a lot as well. There was nothing mentioned of their inability to present all of the exculpatory evidence that they possessed. There was nothing mention of their suggestive criminal identification strategies. Just merely the phrase, that supposedly came from an eyewitness that "a black leather jacket looked like a black mini-skirt." That definitely raised in eyebrow with me. Evidence that the SBI withheld exculpatory evidence was presented, and the SBI wouldnt own it, simply treated it as though their actions were permissible. There was plenty of evidence that would raise a reasonable doubt about the guilt or Mr.Greg Taylor, yet the withholding of evidence and unfortunately misleading information led to his guilty verdict in 1993 and subsequent appeals.

The Defense came out swinging on closing arguments. Stating that the Prosecution has what they called "confirmatory bias" which meant that there was no evidence that Taylor committed the crime in question, but the Prosecution was so biased against him, that no matter what evidence came through the pipes, they would somehow tie it to him in order to get a conviction. There was evidence that Taylor returned to the scene of the crime with his wife and boss, and even let the prosecution search everything he owned. He refused a pleas offer, even after being threatened with a life sentence, and he refused leniency. Wouldnt that raise and eyebrow to you? There was even evidence, that in Taylor's "so called" confession, that he got the cause of death of the victim wrong.

I dont know what jury after seeing this evidence could have convicted this man. Im not even sure why during the appeals process, the Prosecution couldnt get off their high horses and admit they were wrong to withhold evidence. Instead Taylor had to spend 17 years of his life in prison.

It took a 3 judge panel to unanimously agree that Taylor, by clear and convincing evidence, has proven his innocence.

The legal field can be a wonderful place when justice is served, but there is also a very ugly side to it. When justice isnt served, we all suffer directly and/or indirectly.

I stood in awe at Mr. Taylor's humility and forgiving heart. When they asked him was he angry, he said no. He was just grateful that today had come. Im not sure that I could have been so free.

Im sure that this occurrence is not just North Carolina specific, and I believe that more states should have such a commission. Taylor had used up all of his appeals and his only recourse came when the innocence commission was put into place.

I urge all of us in the legal field to do our jobs to the best of our abilities. We can zealously be an advocate for our clients while still remaining ethical and morally correct. Let us be the attorneys we would want to represent us and that we would want to represent our profession.

Who Can Love You More?

WHO CAN LOVE YOU MORE?

Lisa McClendon has this song entitled "Who Can Love You More." Everytime I hear that song it strikes a chord deep within me. I am reminded one way or another on the daily that there is indeed no love like the love of Jesus Christ. People will always disappoint, people will let you down, they will deceive you, and they will hurt you. The people closest to you are not exempt from this. There has been this part of me that wants to be loved in a certain way. It wants to feel constantly appreciated, beautiful, admired, and secure. Yet all that I've come into contact with has not lived up to those expectations. Will anyone ever? Maybe not, a truth that I have come to the conclusion of, BUT GOD!!! The love that I long for and that we all long for is in Christ and can be found in Christ, we just have to accept it.

Many times, I think mostly because we cannot tangibly see or feel God, we treat Him as though he cannot do the things for us that we look for in humans. We shun Him as our companion because he cant physically watch a movie with us. We ban Him from our bedrooms because he cannot hold us at night. We push Him away from our hearts because he cannot physically walk us down the aisle.

I have personally been guilty of settling for less than I should because I wouldnt just be patient and wait for what God has for me. I needed to be content with He and I until the time comes where He will give me the rights of passage to my Adam.

I know things happen in seasons, and in God's time things are revealed to us and given to us, but this thing is getting so annoying to me. To the point where im just ready to give up on it all. What really am I holding on to? If what God has for me is better than anything I can fathom why not just wait?

Until God unites me with Him, I need to not just know it, but act like I know that God is my love, and He will never steer me wrong. I need to focus on me, what He has for me to do right now and let the chips fall where they may. He pursued me and found me. He gives me much more than I can ever give Him in return. The man of my dreams will show me that type of love, the love of Christ, that unconditional love. That love that will never leave you with questions, but will leave you fulfilled and not lacking at the end of the day.

Who can love me more? No One.

F.E.A.R.

My mom used to always use this acrostic for "fear" when I was growing up. She always said that fear was "False Evidence Appearing Real." She also taught us this song that went "God has not given us a spirit of fear but he has given unto us, a spirit of power, a spirit of love, and a sound mind." However, it is still so easy to fear. Easier to fear than it is to actually have faith about whatever it is you fear. Fear can cause you so much trouble. It can lead you to make decisions that otherwise would not have been made. It can leave you confused and indecisive. It can rob you of your future and of your blessings.

The crux of Christianity is faith. If you possess not faith, then you cannot truly call yourself a christian. We must believe that God is all powerful, and more than able to fulfill his promises to us. That he is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we could ask or think. But we must be careful not to confuse fear with our spiritual discernment. If something is your spirit is telling you that something is wrong, then listen to it.

I have allowed fear to have FAR TOO MUCH reign over my life the past couple of years, and it's time for me to let it go and just have faith in God completely. Not just about some subjects, but all of them.

Be Grateful

I am extremely blessed. I have been blessed with a wonderful family. An opportunity to go to and to FINISH law school. Great friends and church family. Life, health, and strength. I can go on and on. I am guilty of focusing so much on the things I want, and on the things that are going wrong in my life that I began to just be sad most of the time. That state of mind is not only bad for you, but it is wrong. God has given us so much and has blessed us so much, we should be grateful for everything, through the good, and even when things appear to be bad. In the bible God tells us to meditate on those things that are good, and that is what we should do, and thank God the whole time through.

Life can be a much better experience if we all just recognize that the things we dont have may not be meant for us, and all in God's timing will we get the things we need and maybe even some of the things we want. God will give us all that is necessary for us to live a life that is fulfilling and of purpose.

No more will I dwell on the bad, but praise Him through it all, and just have faith in knowing everything is in His hands.

Judgment Day

Today I will argue my third case of my law school career in trial. I woke up early this morning so that I can get some time in to work on memorizing my closing before class begins. I am somewhat nervous and feeling unsure about the theory of my case. Honestly on the facts, no matter what theory I argue, the plaintiffs should win, but I will do my best to persuade the jury otherwise. Wish me blessings. Trial isnt until 6:30 tonight so I have a long day of class/preparation ahead.

Trial preparation isnt so bad until you actually have to get the questioning and theories together, then it becomes a little tedious. So people already know that they do not want to litigate, however I do not feel that way. If I end up litigating, I am fine with that. I think I am pretty good at it. Anyhow, I must be going. I will update you with the results.

Someday instead of arguing in a courtroom full of my peers/classmates and a judge who is my professor, I will be arguing in front of a real judge and a jury of people who will scrutinize me and not care for me. So I guess I should appreciate this while it lasts and get as much practice in as possible. IM OUT

God Bless You, and God Loves You

Productive Day

Today my classes were canceled at school and I was able to get some much needed things accomplished. I went to the gym this morning, then went to the store, came home and did some cleaning, and now im relaxing for a bit before I study the remainder of my day away. This Saturday coming is Barrister's Ball aka Law Prom. Im simply going because it's my last year/semester in law school and I told myself that I would participate this year. It's kind of difficult for me to get excited about it because none of the people I hang around are going, AND I will be going alone, but I will try to make the best of it. Anyhow, the day is calling. I must be going.

Incomplete Joy

John 16:22-24
22And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

23And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.

24Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

I hear it all the time in the christian world that we are to be "complete", "joyful", and "content" with whatever situation we may be in. No matter what the circumstances are. After I read this portion of John 16, it led me to think that indeed our joy can be incomplete. It led me to think that there will be times that we wont be at our happiest for one reason or another. That time in which our joy would be incomplete is the time the fills the spaces between the the time we ask for something and the appointed time in which we receive it.

In verse 24 it says "ask and ye shall receive; that your joy may be full. So is this suggesting that our joy is not full until receive that which we have asked for. That it is necessarily implicit that the time we are waiting for what we believe for to come to pass we will be in a state of "struggle" of sorts?

I've just always tried to be happy and be "complete" because that was what I was taught. Though sometime I did feel like I could be more happy if my prayers were answered, I felt like it was wrong to feel that way. But this verse suggests that that feeling is normal.

What are your takes?

Awoke Aggravated

Have you ever just woke up in the morning slightly agitated? I didnt sleep very well last night, i woke up probably ever 2.5 hours. I had probably between 4-5 different dreams of which only the first can I remember what it was about. Anyhow, I awake, then I go to pray at which time something in me decided to fight against it. Of course I had to press through and pray/praise anyhow, which I did. Once I started to pray I realized that I had been holding in a lot of things. I began to talk to God about all of it. I hadnt realized there was so much I hadnt told Him or hadnt spoke to Him about until I began to just let it out in prayer. I reckon that I should have been praying more and maybe I wouldnt have felt the way I did when I woke up. Anyhow, now my mood, im somewhere between a peaceful/thinking mode, and prayerfully the thinking part will fall off the end of that. Anyhow I must be getting ready for my Friday am classes. Maybe I'll have something more meaningful to say later.

Have a Blessed Day, God Loves You!

Whose Life is the Most Significant?

In my "Leading Lives that Matter" course yesterday, we came upon the issue of the significance of life. We viewed it through the eyes of two authors. One romanticized the blue collared workers life, as though their life was better and more meaningful because it involved "struggle." He said that they held the "secret of life". On the other hand, he went to a place of wealth, stayed a while, and found that place to be boring and without a purpose. He ridiculed those who were educated and sought to live their lives with the significance of gaining more knowledge. Here was my response to this subject (What do you think):

"The danger is in romanticizing one way of life over the other. The danger is doing things and not knowing or understanding why you do them but going off of what others say or think. There is an inherent wisdom that comes from learning from others, BUT you must be careful not to put people into boxes and make broad generalizations. We all are pieces of the same puzzle, with one part missing, the puzzle is not complete. You take away intellectualism you risk the failing of the democracy, liberty and freedom, the very laws of which we are governed. You take away the coal miners and you give away your countries independence and pull away the threads of the foundation of the things which are the basic necessities of life. However, the wheels will continue to turn because we are made to survive one way or another. Take away what we know as food, any man will find it in the trees, take away the water well, any thirsty man will dig til he finds it. However there is a level of accountability that will always be required, good and evil will always be present, and justice will always be sought."

In my view there is a need for both. What are your thoughts?

Where do I Begin?

Well this is my very first post and im not exactly sure what to write. But I guess I should maybe expound on why I created the blog in the first place. I'm a thinker, most of the time, I think waaaayyy too much, so im hoping that this will be a way that I can free up some space in my brain for the more important things in life. Im hoping that my blog will help others more than it helps me, because after all, life is not simply about me. I may use this as a journal of sorts, devotional of sorts, meditation of sorts, lol, a little bit of everything.

What am I feeling at this very moment? Slightly overwhelmed yet hopeful. Im currently trying to finish out my last semester of law school and it's proving harder than I thought to stay motivated to complete the work that I need to complete. I have been thinking about and focusing on things that probably should not be able to occupy my thoughts because they are indeed out of my control. I have no clue what area I want to practice, what is to come of me after graduation May 21, what location geographically I should focus my energy... a lot of unanswered questions, but I know it's all in God's hands and I need to let it stay there.

Romance? Hmmmm, what is that again? lol. I have also spent waaaaayyy too much time on considering the possibilities and have come to the conclusion that being in a relationship at this season in my life is not in the master plan. I dont want this blog to become one of complaining about how singleness sucks, but maybe one moreso about how in your singleness press forward to accomplish the things in life that are set before you. Enjoy life (I need to take this advice). Part of my battle in this whole area is that unlike others, I've never envisioned myself to be a professional, never envisioned being a lawyer, the only thing I've ever had a strong desire to do/have is to have a family and get married, yet my pathway seems to take me farther and farther away from that. I find it extremely frustrating, but I know in my heart God's got it all under control, but as a human, I still try to figure out how this will happen (which is definitely something I shouldnt worry about). :-(

So im constantly trying to refocus, and think on the things that are before me. I've always been the girl who wouldnt try new things, too afraid to step out of my box, but I think im about ready to try new things. Last week I ate Greek/Lebanese food for the first time, and yesterday I ate Indian food, for the very first time. I find that I am finding happiness in the little things in life now. I'm ready to experience life, but im ready to experience it the right way. Im not a wild child, I am very careful about where I go and who I associate myself with, and am very serious about my faith. Anyways I hope this gives a small picture of me, and you will see little pieces of me displayed through my writing.

God Bless You, and God Loves You